Goldfish-Gulping Craze Sweeps Across America

Ten dollars and a bid to win class president were all it took for Harvard freshman Lothrop Withington Junior to swallow a slimy, slippery, one-hundred-percent-alive goldfish. He garnished it with salt, mayonnaise, and ketchup before gulping down the unlucky aquatic animal. His stunt started a sensation that would sweep across American universities. Students of prestigious schools such as Harvard, Penn, and MIT would compete, each hoping to become the new “Champion of Intercollegiate Goldfish Swallowing.”

As the competitive scene increased in intensity, the International Goldfish Gulping Association stepped forth as an authority in the standards of goldfish swallowing. The current record on the IGGA books belongs to Clark University at a staggering 89 fish.

Despite the explosion of this fish-gulping craze, it is not difficult to find detractors of the practice. Goldfish swallowing has earned the disapproval of PETA, and the Boston Herald published a poem condemning such immoral activities.

To the chagrin of its opponents, the fishy phenomenon has persisted in modern entertainment and online. Goldfish gulping has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and several other prominent publications.

America is in good hands with these diligent and daring young adults attending the finest universities in the nation and taking on the arduous task of swallowing stupendous sums of small, slimy fish.