Illegal Doodles and a Chicken Spy

Illegal Doodles and a Chicken Spy

Jessica Elie, Humor Columnist

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory? He took a few days off in February thinking nobody would notice!

Welcome to what is arguably the most ridiculous month of the year. To start it off, an entire country eagerly watches as a groundhog predicts the future. Then, we get a holiday whose mascot is a baby who somehow both acquired and learned to use a bow, with which he shoots heart-shaped arrows. Someone needs to put a child lock on the Hallmark weapons cabinet next time. And, to top it all off, the final day of the month only exists every four years! With all the amusing chaos that constitutes February, it’s no wonder that there are plenty of hilarious news stories. Here are some of my favorites!

In Russia, a security guard was working a shift at an art gallery when the urge to doodle struck. So, he took out a ballpoint pen and drew some eyes…on a million-dollar painting. The painting, “Three Figures” by Anna Leporskaya, depicts the outlines of three people, all lacking any facial features. Apparently, the guard decided that these painted people deserved the privilege of sight, so he took it into his own hands. However, as fun as it must have been to make this addition, his fun most certainly came to a halt when he faced three months in prison for vandalism. The moral of the story: next time you feel like doodling, maybe try a piece of paper.

Near the beginning of February, there was an intruder at the Pentagon. Was it a spy with malicious intent? Nope! At least, it seems unlikely, as the culprit of this break-in was none other than a chicken. Henny Penny, as she was later named, was found wandering around a security area at the Pentagon. Nobody has been able to deduce when or how she managed to infiltrate the government building. Authorities interrogated Miss Penny, but she refused to cluck. Okay, nobody actually interrogated the chicken. In fact, an employee at the Pentagon kept Henny Penny as a pet. So, the case is closed, and we’ll never know whether this chicken was secretly a nefarious agent, or simply a confused bird who wandered too far from the coop.

I hope you liked these stories as much as I did!